I’m like three years late to the Passion dogpile, but that still doesn’t prevent me from stating that this is the most disgusting, irresponsible and pointless movie I’ve ever seen.ĩ0% of the film is Jesus getting beaten to fucking mush, then doing a slow-mo sailor-dive into the dirt. You know how most reasonable people describe this movie as “Jesus getting pummeled for two hours,” right? I thought this was just an over-simplification due to lack of insight, but it is really the case. I knew the day would come where I’d be in a safe place with a safe audience in which to Wisenheimer my way through this movie, anticipating giving it no more respect than a Seagal & Biz Markie romp through the TNT graveyard shift in “Beat Box Beat Down.” I was way off.

I ignored this movie as much as possible during its juggernaut theatrical release, because I was quite certain that most paying audiences would not welcome some jerk uncontrollably guffawing at their simpleton faith, much less the ultimate suffering of their Lord and Savior. Who owns Mission Impossible 2 and none of the others? Who just has to have their own copy of Hitch on battle-ready stand-by? Giving up any possiblity of cinematic intrigue, I mentally shift to “what can I relentlessly mock?” My question is quickly answered… The Passion of the Christ, of course. We were at her parent’s place and they have a rather large DVD collection, so I figured that their tastes would offer me up something interesting and unseen.

It was bitterly cold the other night and there was no better place to be than curled up with the old lady next to a hassle-free gas fireplace, quaffing some wine, watching a movie and smiling to yourself because you’re not homeless and you know you’ll be getting laid later.

How old to watch passion of the christ